There are certain Filipino traditions that are so ironic that I never fully understood what they meant or insinuated. A lot of these confusing traditions have something to do with “hiya”, or the Filipino version of ‘feeling shame’ over trivial matters.

1. Offering Food and Declining the Offer

When you come here, you often hear “Kain!” when lunch time or dinner rolls in. This is the Filipino way of offering food to strangers and people they barely know. In fact, it could be a way of greeting someone while you’re eating. Instead of saying “Hello”, you say “let’s eat!”.

The confusing way this tradition was explained to me was this: It’s polite to offer to share your meal to a person, BUT, it is equally polite for the other person to decline the offer.

My initial questions as a meticulous kid of 6 was “why offer in the first place if you don’t expect the other person to accept it”. As a matter of fact, most people who get offered to eat decline the offer REGARDLESS if they’re starving or not.

2. Paying for Someone’s Fare in a Jeepney

A jeepney is the primary mode of transport for Filipinos. It means sharing the spacious backride of a jeep with at least 10 other people. One Filipino tradition/quirk that always had me laughing silently was the instinct of bringing out your wallet and paying the fare of a friend who just happened to ride the jeep with you.

The scene in a jeepney when two friends collide is this. The one (friend 1) who is already on the jeep says hi and exchange pleasantries with friend 2 (the one just getting on), they then simultaneously ask each other “have you paid your fare?” then scramble to pay each other’s fare. A wrestling match of hands giving money to the driver ensues as both insist that the other should keep his or her money. Taking this to an extreme scenario, if friend one doesn’t offer to pay for friend 2’s fare, friend 1 apologizes profusely and announces to the whole world that he is “sorry I could not offer to pay your fare, I am having financial difficulaties as of the momen”, OR at the very least, sports an ashamed look.

The last time I laughed out loud at this exchange, I felt the very painful pinch of an aunt. So, I never laughed  out loud again.

A Filipino Mom’s Dilemma

Considering how these Filipino traditions are pointless and confusing, though they could have originated from very good values, I am having trouble thinking up ways of explaining these to my son. Offering food and offering to pay for fare are very good things to teach my son, but I am still of two minds about these.

Maybe I’ll just go with the explanation that was given to me… “It’s just the FILIPINO way“.